Portillos 2010: #32 Elmhurst Portillo's

Headline: Portillo’s Junkie Eats Through 2010

In an unprecedented show of fortitude and gastronomical prowess, an Elmhurst man reaches his 2010 goal of eating at every Portillo’s in the Chicagoland area (32 in 52 weeks). His goal also included consuming every item on the menu (40+). His adventure was chronicled in this blog. The following self interview takes place at the pinnacle of this amazing and coveted achievement. I met up with Jeff at his Elmhurst home.

Q: How does it feel to have reached your goal?

A: It’s bitter sweet, or bitter sweat, one, or both, of these... I’m sorry, what was the question?

Q: Let me rephrase it for you; How does it feel to have reached your goal?

A: Oh, I’m at the same time happy and profoundly sad that it’s over.

Q: So, you’re sad you reached your goal?

A: Is that what I said? Did you miss the happy part? I ate everything on Portillo’s menu and spent an entire year driving around meeting friends. It was an awesome adventure! I’m sad that I don’t have a goal for 2011. It’s going to be hard to outdo 2010.

Q: Why did you choose Portillo’s in the first place?

A: Why not? Have you ever met anyone who didn’t like Portillo’s? I’ve spoken to literally hundreds of people and I have yet to meet a single person who doesn’t like Portillo’s. Get with it.

Q: Fair enough, can I ask you why you chose to eat through 2010 and not diet like everyone else?

A: I’m dieting every other year. 2010 was an eating year.

Q: I wish I could understand that, but … why did you feel compelled to write about it? Are you so egomaniacal that you think other people care to read your extemporaneous blather?

A: Is that a two part question? I wrote the blog because I thought it would be both therapeutic and a pain in the ass. And, yes I’m positive that people cared, because people kept asking me why I hadn’t updated it – hence the pain in the ass part. Can I say, “ass?”

Q: To late genius. Besides, chronicling the adventure was your own warped idea.

A: Is that a question?

Q: No, scratch that from the record. Did you learn anything from writing the blog?

A: Yes, I now have a greater appreciation for writers as I’ve stretched my grammatical skills far beyond their capability. Can I get a “whoop whoop.”

Q: Who are you talking to? Let’s try a different line of interrogation. How did you manage to reach the goal?

A: I had to mustard up a lot of support from my family and friends, but they also relished the idea of accompanying me on the journey. In fact, my lovely wife Joy and our doggedly handsome son Josh accompanied me on many of the visits.

Q: Interesting choice of words. I’m getting hungry.

A: Question?

Q: What’s your favorite thing on the menu?

A: That’s a trick question. I have more than one favorite. Here’s the order in which a newbie should order.

Beef Sandwich (ask for “dipped”). If you like things spicy, get hot giardiniera. The beef is not only one of the best things on the menu; it’s something you can only get in Chicago. I have brought many out of town guests to Portillo’s and this is the winner. Heck, my family comes up from Kansas every year and I’m sure it’s for the beef – the visit with us is secondary.
Hot Dog – As I mentioned in an earlier blog, there are probably thousands of good hot dog stands in Chicago, but you don’t have to look for any of them – just get a hot dog at Portillo’s. Ask for everything on it. Don’t be a pickle, add the sport peppers. No pain, no gain.
French Fries – These are some killer fries. I’d like to ~~plagiarize~~ paraphrase a beer commercial I’ve seen lately by saying, “I don’t always eat fries, but when I do … I prefer ... Portillo’s.”
Chopped Salad – This is the most popular and probably the best salad on the menu. It’s really … really good. I’d also recommend the Chicken Pecan Salad, followed by the Southwest BBQ.

Q: Is there anything bad on the menu?

A: Listen to yourself! What kind of an asinine question is that? If it was bad, why would it be on the menu? No, dummkoph, everything on the menu is good!

Q: Nicht Sprechen Deutsch. Is there anything you had never tried that you really liked?
A: Yes, I’m sure not many people will order it, but the Veggie Croissant is quite good.

Q: Is there anything you would never order again?
A: Probably the Grilled Vegetable Sandwich. It’s not that it was bad. It was just too bland for me.

Q: What’s your favorite location?
A: The one in Bloomingdale. Read blog #18 Bloomingdale for a review.

Q: What was your least favorite location?
A: Crestwood. You’ll have to read blog #28 Crestwood to find out why.

Q: What’s the farthest you drove?
A: Just to get to Portillo’s and back, then it’s Sycamore (by DeKalb) - 56 miles each way.

Q: Did your order ever get messed up?
A: That’s a great question ... NOT. The answer is a resounding NO. We're talking Poritllo's here - perfect service the every time.

Q: Do they offer free refills on pop?

A: Well … I’m not sure. At the beginning of the year I was rejected when I asked for refills, but now I don’t seem to have a problem. Not sure what changed. No harm asking.

Q: Did you gain weight?

A: Yes and it’s none of your business. Why would you ask such a personal question?

Q: Well … I … um … just thought people would like to know.
A: I cannot in all honesty attribute my weight gain entirely to Portillo’s. It was the year of eating and I didn’t hold back. As a side note, you can eat healthy at any restaurant. It may be hard ordering a grilled chicken sandwich without mayonnaise, but you can, and Portillo’s makes a great grilled chicken sandwich.

Q: There are two Portillo’s in California, are you going to eat there?
A: Duh. When I get there I plan on it.

Q: Did you have a party at the last one you visited?
A: Yes, you didn’t get the Facebook invite? Sorry, I must of de-friended you. We had an awesome party at the Elmhurst Portillo’s the day after Christmas - 42 friends and family showed up (pictures below).

Q: By the way, how much did you spend?
A: You are really nosy - Joy - DO NOT LOOK - $562.61

Q: Last question, and I’m sorry but I have to ask you this, seriously, are you insane?
A: I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that an insane person would not realize that they were insane.

Special thanks to:
Joy – A great support who ate at 25 of the Portillo’s and never complained!!
Josh – Official photographer, best friend, and semi-professional eater.
Dodie – Editor and friend.
Tim – Grip (I don’t know what a grip is, but every show has one).
Awesome Family and Friends

I can't list out what everyone ate, but I saved the best for last - a beef sandwich!