#32 Elmhurst Portillo's

Headline: Portillo’s Junkie Eats Through 2010

In an unprecedented show of fortitude and gastronomical prowess, an Elmhurst man reaches his 2010 goal of eating at every Portillo’s in the Chicagoland area (32 in 52 weeks).  His goal also included consuming every item on the menu (40+).  His adventure was chronicled in this blog.  The following self interview takes place at the pinnacle of this amazing and coveted achievement.  I met up with Jeff at his Elmhurst home.

Q:  How does it feel to have reached your goal?

A:  It’s bitter sweet, or bitter sweat, one, or both, of these... I’m sorry, what was the question?

Q:  Let me rephrase it for you; How does it feel to have reached your goal?

A:  Oh, I’m at the same time happy and profoundly sad that it’s over.

Q:  So, you’re sad you reached your goal?

A:  Is that what I said?  Did you miss the happy part?  I ate everything on Portillo’s menu and spent an entire year driving around meeting friends.  It was an awesome adventure!  I’m sad that I don’t have a goal for 2011.  It’s going to be hard to outdo 2010.

Q:  Why did you choose Portillo’s in the first place?

A:  Why not?  Have you ever met anyone who didn’t like Portillo’s?  I’ve spoken to literally hundreds of people and I have yet to meet a single person who doesn’t like Portillo’s.  Get with it.

Q:  Fair enough, can I ask you why you chose to eat through 2010 and not diet like everyone else?

A:  I’m dieting every other year.  2010 was an eating year.

Q:  I wish I could understand that, but … why did you feel compelled to write about it? Are you so egomaniacal that you think other people care to read your extemporaneous blather?

A:  Is that a two part question?  I wrote the blog because I thought it would be both therapeutic and a pain in the ass.  And, yes I’m positive that people cared, because people kept asking me why I hadn’t updated it – hence the pain in the ass part.  Can I say, “ass?”

Q:  To late genius. Besides, chronicling the adventure was your own warped idea.

A:  Is that a question?

Q:  No, scratch that from the record.  Did you learn anything from writing the blog?

A:  Yes, I now have a greater appreciation for writers as I’ve stretched my grammatical skills far beyond their capability.  Can I get a “whoop whoop.”

Q:  Who are you talking to?  Let’s try a different line of interrogation.  How did you manage to reach the goal?

A:  I had to mustard up a lot of support from my family and friends, but they also relished the idea of accompanying me on the journey. In fact, my lovely wife Joy and our doggedly handsome son Josh accompanied me on many of the visits.

Q:  Interesting choice of words. I’m getting hungry.

A:  Question?

Q:  What’s your favorite thing on the menu?

A:  That’s a trick question.  I have more than one favorite.  Here’s the order in which a newbie should order.  

1. Beef Sandwich (ask for “dipped”). If you like things spicy, get hot giardiniera. The beef is not only one of the best things on the menu; it’s something you can only get in Chicago. I have brought many out of town guests to Portillo’s and this is the winner. Heck, my family comes up from Kansas every year and I’m sure it’s for the beef – the visit with us is secondary.
2. Hot Dog – As I mentioned in an earlier blog, there are probably thousands of good hot dog stands in Chicago, but you don’t have to look for any of them – just get a hot dog at Portillo’s. Ask for everything on it. Don’t be a pickle, add the sport peppers. No pain, no gain.
3. French Fries – These are some killer fries. I’d like to plagiarize paraphrase a beer commercial I’ve seen lately by saying, “I don’t always eat fries, but when I do … I prefer ... Portillo’s.”  
4. Chopped Salad – This is the most popular and probably the best salad on the menu. It’s really … really good. I’d also recommend the Chicken Pecan Salad, followed by the Southwest BBQ.

Q:  Is there anything bad on the menu?

A:  Listen to yourself!  What kind of an asinine question is that?  If it was bad, why would it be on the menu?  No, dummkoph, everything on the menu is good!

Q:  Nicht Sprechen Deutsch. Is there anything you had never tried that you really liked?
A:  Yes, I’m sure not many people will order it, but the Veggie Croissant is quite good.

Q:  Is there anything you would never order again?
A:  Probably the Grilled Vegetable Sandwich.  It’s not that it was bad.  It was just too bland for me.

Q:  What’s your favorite location?
A:  The one in Bloomingdale.  Read blog #18 Bloomingdale for a review.

Q:  What was your least favorite location?
A:  Crestwood. You’ll have to read blog #28 Crestwood to find out why.

Q:  What’s the farthest you drove?
A:  Just to get to Portillo’s and back, then it’s Sycamore (by DeKalb) - 56 miles each way.

Q:  Did your order ever get messed up?
A:  That’s a great question ... NOT.  The answer is a resounding NO.  We're talking Poritllo's here - perfect service the every time.

Q:  Do they offer free refills on pop?

A:  Well … I’m not sure.  At the beginning of the year I was rejected when I asked for refills, but now I don’t seem to have a problem.  Not sure what changed.  No harm asking.

Q:  Did you gain weight?

A:  Yes and it’s none of your business.  Why would you ask such a personal question?

Q:  Well … I … um … just thought people would like to know.
A:  I cannot in all honesty attribute my weight gain entirely to Portillo’s.  It was the year of eating and I didn’t hold back.  As a side note, you can eat healthy at any restaurant.  It may be hard ordering a grilled chicken sandwich without mayonnaise, but you can, and Portillo’s makes a great grilled chicken sandwich.

Q:  There are two Portillo’s in California, are you going to eat there?
A:  Duh.  When I get there I plan on it.

Q:  Did you have a party at the last one you visited?
A:  Yes, you didn’t get the Facebook invite?  Sorry, I must of de-friended you.  We had an awesome party at the Elmhurst Portillo’s the day after Christmas - 42 friends and family showed up (pictures below).

Q:  By the way, how much did you spend?
A:  You are really nosy - Joy - DO NOT LOOK - $562.61

Q:  Last question, and I’m sorry but I have to ask you this, seriously, are you insane?
A:  I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that an insane person would not realize that they were insane.

Special thanks to:
Joy – A great support who ate at 25 of the Portillo’s and never complained!!
Josh – Official photographer, best friend, and semi-professional eater.
Dodie – Editor and friend.
Tim – Grip (I don’t know what a grip is, but every show has one).
Awesome Family and Friends

I can't list out what everyone ate, but I saved the best for last - a beef sandwich!

Portillo's #32 - Elmhurst

Josh, Joy, Jeff

Jeff, Josh, Greg

Debbie, Josh, Jeff, Alexa, Dodie, Carl

Tim, Renee, Jake, Bailey

Grace, Pete, Beth, Marion

Dave, Nicki, Nora, Marion, Grace,
Pete, Beth

Portillo's Shirt - Gift from Josh

Greg, Darrell, Katie, Alex,
Brian, Toni, Ken

#31 Vernon Hills Portillo's

It's the second to the last Portillo's and it's cold again.  See me in my winter coat with the snow in the background?  Notice the bags under my eyes?  Those are from Christmas shopping.  You know I'm kidding, right?  I rarely ever shop before Christmas Eve.  The bags are empty.  I really do wait until the last minute.  To me there's something about the crowds, the hazardous parking lots, crazy shoppers, screaming kids, etc. that I enjoy ... NOT.  On the other hand, messing with people that are in a hurry can be fun.  I'm supposed to be nice, but someone has to make these people understand that Christmas is more about personal interactions than gifts.  Even if those interactions are not always positive.  Someone needs to teach them patience.  Alright, I really am much nicer than that ... at least occasionally.  Well, in order to avoid the whole situation, I shop really early in the morning.  I'm talking really really early while everyone else is still sleeping.  One year I remember leaving just before 6am and hitting eleven stores by 10am.  There are many advantages to shopping on Christmas Eve.  First, I don't have a lot of time to agonize over my purchases.  For example, I used to buy stuff - see it somewhere else for a lower price - then feel like I got ripped off.  I would proceed to buy the second one and then return the first, even if that involved hours of running around and waiting in lines.  Second, and potentially worse, I would see something slightly better and then second-guess my first purchase.  In any case, both of these situations are eliminated if I wait until the last minute.  There's no lollygagging around, I'm forced to by the only item left that's not broken!

If you're inclined to shop, the Portillo's in Vernon Hills is directly across the street from a mall.  Fortunately we avoided the shopping, but not the crowd.  This Portillo's was busy, but it has to be one of the largest.  There's an enclosed atrium!  There was no problem finding seating.  I noticed something else here, and perhaps it was just timing, but the Barnelli's seemed busier than the Portillo's.  Also, and I can't seem to figure out why this always happens, but I must be a magnet for screaming babies, with deaf, and inconsiderate parents.  Josh may have inadvertently stumbled onto an ingenious idea ... wearing headphones all the time.
Jeff:
Chicken Caesar Salad
Caramel Pecan Cake (Interesting it says "Rum Cake" on the receipt - no wonder it was so good)

Joy:
Chopped Salad

#30 Streamwood Portillo's

You know how they call the Friday after Thanksgiving “Black Friday” and the following Monday “Cyber Monday.”  Well, I call the Saturday in between “Frostbite Saturday.”  It’s the official outside Christmas decoration and party day!  Yippee Ho Ho Ho!  This is one of Joy’s favorite days of the year, since it’s time to move the party outside.  Every year, for who knows how long (Joy would), I traipsed around the block goading people into buying a Christmas tree to put on their front lawn.  Perhaps, goading is too strong a term; I more or less cajoled them.  Well, at least I used to, but now one of our very nice neighbors (the new capo) has agreed to be the strong arm and the godfather (me) gets to chill - literally.  Don’t know where I was going there...  In any case, it’s really a site to see as most of the neighbors participate.   Check out the photo below (not posted yet).  What cool neighbors we have!  Thanks to all who helped and brang out the goodies.  Oh, and though I complain a lot, I enjoy letting the kids pick out their trees and drag them down the block.  It’s even better when those little imps, I mean elves, get all hopped up on sugar and have a marshmallow war.  Oh yeah, it happened.  Don't know how that started.

Back to our story, still in progress, eating at Portillo’s. This week we went to the Portillo’s in Streamwood.  I could swear we’ve eaten here before.  When Josh was small we used to take him out to the Chuck-E-Cheese next door.  Talk about fun times, you know, crawling through those ... hum ... a ... odiferous (politically correct description) ... tubes.

Check out what I had to eat, I’m getting down to some really interesting combinations. I had a chili dog and a Caesar salad.  Both were good, though not a combination that I would normally recommend.

P.S.   I'd be remiss if I didn't mention my nephew's wedding.  We had a nice drive down to the beautiful (eye of the beholder - or beerholder) state of Kansas to see our nephew get married.  Good luck Greg and Annie, the first 20 years are the hardest.

Jeff:
Chili Cheese Dog
Ceasar Salad

Joy:
Cheese Burger
Onion Rings (to heck with the diet)
Side Coleslaw

Josh:
Jumbo Hot Dog
French Fries

 

Annie and Greg - 11/20/10



Sunset in Manhattan Kansas



#29 Summit Portillo's

How early is too early to start playing Christmas music?  I think any time before Thanksgiving, but Joy thinks starting the first of November is fine.  But that’s the way she is, she’s the planner and I’m the procrastinator.  She’s so organized and efficient that a good portion of the Christmas decorations are already up.  What’s wrong with going straight from Halloween decorations to Christmas decorations?

The Summit Portillo's is on Harlem Avenue, just south of the Stevenson.  Don't you love it when highways have names, but those names do not appear on any maps?!  Anyway, despite this Portillo's having a bit of a parking problem - we had to park in an auxiliary lot - it was relatively easy to get to from our house.  And, this is the only Portillo's we've been to that serves custard.  Yes, you heard that right, custard, like the kind you find at Culver's.  Actually Joy thought it was better than Culver's!   Then again, she doesn't like things sickeningly sweet.  I thought it was good and I had an interesting combination of items today, check it out below.

P.S. Oldest kid next door, you know who you are. What’s the big deal if Joy wants her decorations up a couple weeks before Thanksgiving?!

Jeff:
Chicken Tenders (good - though I rarely get fried food so I'm no expert)
Green Pepper Soup  (liked it)
Turtle Sundae (good)
Joy:
Italian Beef
Hot Fudge Sundae (loved the custard, not the fudge)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

#28 Crestwood Portillo's

Boo … In my opinion it’s the second best holiday of the year.  Actually, now that I’m older I probably enjoy it more than Christmas.  What a great holiday!  It’s all candy, candy, candy.  If I told you I had a sweet tooth that would be an understatement.  In fact, the inside of my mouth is starting to hurt.  Fortunately I gave blood a couple of weeks ago.  If I tried this week they’d have a hard time getting it out of my veins since it’s probably as thick as maple syrup.  Some people if given the choice between a nice steak and a piece of cake would choose the steak, but not me.  The bad news is that stage two diabetes runs in my family so at some point I’m going to have to watch it.  That’s really depressing.

Time to change the subject.  Joy got a new car!  She’s really excited since she’s never had a new car.  What a pain in the butt it was shopping around, but you’ll see her picture below in front of her 2011 Honda Accord.  Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for Joy, I didn’t get to drive it down to St. Louis last week.  Last weekend was my nephew Greg’s bachelor party.  He’s getting married in November.  Since half the family lives in Kansas City and the other half in Chicago, we decided to meet in St. Louis.  We had a great time.  Rather than treat you all to the entire weekend, here are some quick highlights.  Eight of us met in St. Louis on Friday to see the Hawks play the Blues.  The Hawks lost 4 to 2, but no one in the group got into a fight - even though both nephews were wearing Hawks jerseys.  After the game we stayed in a house my nephew Chris rented on a lake in Innsbrook, Mo.  It was a beautiful location (picture below).  We went on a zip line tour Saturday.  After six lines my brother Doug said he had a pain in his chest.  No, he didn’t have a heart attack, thank goodness, we were out in the middle of nowhere!  He thinks he was just tense because the guy told him he might ram into a tree at 40mph.  Seriously, he didn’t even get close.  I mean, he cleared it my at least three or four inches.  Oh, now that I think of it, this is the same guy who Greg inadvertently kneed in the groin.  It was painfully obvious that he wasn’t wearing a cup.  In the evening we went to the play Evil Dead the Musical.  Ironically, it was in a repurposed church.  I don’t know about the other guys, but I enjoyed it.  The highlight of the evening was when Darrell (niece’s fiancee) goaded Joe (other niece’s boyfriend) into trying to eat a tablespoon of cinnamon.  In retrospect this was a really bad idea.  Do not attempt this! Joe survived, but for a while we weren’t so sure he would.  Check out the video here.  Don’t worry, the copious vomit scenes are not shown, but you can see he’s in a lot of distress.  The rest of the trip was enjoyable, but largely uneventful, other than a hot dog bun fight (take my word for it; it stings when you get hit with a balled up bun).  At one point I was heard screaming, “Look out, he’s got a bun!”  On the way home I made my brother Carl and Josh stop at Cahokia. If you enjoy history you should check out the earthen mounds in southern Illinois. They were built by the Indians over a thousand years ago, at least that’s what’s alleged. Both Carl and Josh thought that it should have been called, “Ca_hoax_ia”.

As for the Crestwood Portillo’s (I’m going to try to be delicate) it hasn’t been my favorite. The facility itself needs a little maintenance.  The first chair I chose was broken and the bathroom was antiquated.  On the other hand, and probably more important, these were likely the nicest employees I’ve encountered so far.  Since I’m on a mission to eat everything on the menu, I ordered the “Vegi Croissant.”  Apparently I’m the first person to ever have ordered this.  At least that’s what was implied.  When the first girl couldn’t figure out how to enter it into the computer, I offered to order something different.  A second girl stepped in and said, “really it’s no problem, you get what you want.”  She put the order through and everything came out perfect.  Now you’re really going to think I’m nuts, but the vegi croissant was really, and I’m not kidding, really good.  Go figure.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, it was Portillo’s after all.

Jeff:
Vegi Croissant (If I ever become a vegetarian, this is what I’m eating)
Gourmet Garden Salad

Joy:
Chopped Salad (crunchiest bacon she’s ever had)